i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just had sex on a roof
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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