My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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