She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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