Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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