There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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