he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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