the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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