I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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