The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
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We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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