Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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