im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize