I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize