cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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