There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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