Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
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Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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