I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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