bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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