All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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