Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize