Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize