You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
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You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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