And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize