is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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