You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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