Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize