He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Your cock deserves a montage
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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