Ketchup is God's man juice
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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