I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize