just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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