Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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