I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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