The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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