We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
