one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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