Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
