Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
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My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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