This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize