Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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