The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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