she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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