I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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