i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize