Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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