He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize