nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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