he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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