the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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