And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize