when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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