im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize